The Kraker Report

Seattle: Home to NBA and NHL Teams?

2012-02-13T16:17:00.000-08:00

I remember pressure washing someones deck on a warm spring afternoon here in Seattle. To help pass the time I was listening to some sports radio. The host came back from a break and announced that the Sonics had officially been sold to Oklahoma City businessman, Clay Bennett. I started to feel ill. My mind was racing. My palms became sweaty. And I most certainly did a crappy job pressure washing. I debated with myself for the next few hours and came to the conclusion that there was no way that the NBA would leave my city.

But thats exactly what happened...the NBA left Seattle. To Clay Bennett and OKC's credit, they are crushing it in the midwest. Raucous fan base, savvy roster moves, local ownership, good branding. But do you know what drives the success of the OKC Thunder the most? They are the only professional team in town (unless of course you count the Oklahoma Wranglers of Arena Football fame).

Now look, I want the NBA to come back to Seattle. Like really bad. I once tweeted that if I had the choice of one of my best friends (Jesy McKinney) moving to Seattle or an NBA team coming back...that I would choose the NBA. I would make that decision every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Basketball is my favorite sport. The NBA is the most competitive form of hoops in the world. I need the NBA to come back here.

In the past few weeks there has been much talk of a new arena being built down by Safeco and Century Link in the SODO neighborhood. The biggest factor in these talks has been that the arena will be able to suit both basketball AND hockey. That way the owners of the respective franchises could split the stadium costs that would fall their way. The NBA's chances of returning hinge greatly on the National Hockey League. I've never been a hockey guy. In fact, the last time I was interested in hockey was when I got Wayne Gretzky's 3D Hockey for Christmas in elementary school. Great game...but that was honestly the last time I thought about the NHL.

I think that many Seattlelites hold the same feelings when it comes to the sport on ice. I guess the fighting is cool. And having 2 halftimes sounds unique. It sounds like it could be fun...but are you really going to go an buy a baggy jersey with some difficult to pronounce European name on the back? I don't think so. The NBA coming back to Seattle depends greatly upon the idea that we would support hockey...and that makes me nervous.

Right now Seattle has:

League Team Total Attendance Per Game Rank

NFL Seattle Seahawks 531,311 66,413 17 of 32

MLB Seattle Mariners 1,896,321 23,411 27 of 30

NCAA-F Washington Huskies 437,717 62,531 2 of 12 (Pac 12)

NCAA-B Washington Huskies 178,281 9,383 3 of 12 (Pac 12)

MLS Sounders FC 553,987 36,268 1 of 19

Apart from the Mariners, Seattle supports big time sports very well. And when the M's are playing good baseball...we all know heading that to Safeco Field is the best thing to do on a warm summer night.

Seattle is the 13th media market in the US and the economy here is much stronger than most of the country. We also have many large business' that fuel the luxury boxes of all our stadiums. But could we really fuel 7 sports teams?

The support behind professional soccer here in Seattle is absurd an unrivaled by any other MLS team. Husky basketball would likely be #1 in the Pac 12 if we had a bigger arena. Husky football will have a new stadium in 2 years. And the Seahawks are a near sellout for each of their 8 home games. We support alot of teams and we support them pretty darn well. So I ask...is there enough pie to go around for us to support the NHL to come to Seattle? If the answer is no...then getting a new arena and an NBA team may not happen at all.

So I will continue to wear my ROBBED hat with the fake Sonics logo on the front. I'll look at my Kevin Calabro bobblehead doll and remember the good old days. I'll find new pictures of Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp to use as my iPhone wallpaper. I'll crack Robert Swift jokes every time I play basketball with a big white guy who sucks.

GC Conference Packing Tips

2011-03-22T11:00:00.000-07:00

There are a few of things that each person knows they should bring to GC Conference:

-Bible

-Notebook

-Pen

-Faith

-Money for food

And then there's some things you know you shouldn't bring:

-Guns

-Knives

-Weed

-Four Loco

-Last years conference tee-shirt

But then there is the Mt. Rushmore of "Items People Don't Think About"

1. Long Shirts: I've been at way to many conferences where people show off their belly button. You know that you're going to be raising your hands...you know that you're gonna toss up a few fist pumps...and you know there is a chance you'll get slain in the spirit. So please, bring shirts that are long enough.

*Pro Tip: Try your shirt on in front of a mirror. Lift your hands as high as possible. If you see any midriff...don't bring it.

*Pro Tip #2: My good friend Jude Fouquier also says this, "Worship gets awfully sweaty, so I suggest bringing an extra shirt to change into during the announcements." Well said Jude, well said.

2. Extra Pens: Bringing one pen simply isn't gonna cut it. Recent statistics have show that there is a 57% chance of someone stealing your pen, a 31% chance of someone wanting to borrow your pen and an 11% chance that your pen stops working when you need it most. That means there is a 1% chance of everything working out the way you want it to. Not good odds. Bringing 3 or 4 extra pens is imperative. I suggest pens that you don't mind losing.

3. Closed Toed Shoes: Going up to the front during worship while wearing sandals is a death wish. Closed toed shoes are a must. Without them your little piggies will be saying 'wah wah wah all the way home'. Your toenails won't survive even one chorus of "Crazy" if you're in sandals. My suggestions for shoes are:

-Timberland Boots

-Romeo Boots (as worn by hicks)

-Shape Ups (they deserve to get trashed anyways)

4. Mid Service Snacks: Services at GC Conference always go long. Even a veteran like myself gets hungry by about point 3 of a sermon. So I believe it is imperative to sneak in a few snacks. Some of my favorites are:

-Costco Trail Mix

-Reese's Pieces

-Gushers

-Gardetto's (if you don't mind smelling like death)

I hope you found this helpful. See you at GC Conference 2011!

Seattle 206ers

2011-01-25T13:07:00.000-08:00

It was a spring afternoon just a few years ago and I was pressure washing some random persons deck. I had a rickety little AM only radio attached to my sweatpants and 950 KJR, Seattle's live and local sports station was competing against the rattling, humming and spraying of my pressure washer. Then, the deadly news dropped. The host came on the air and announced that the Sonics had just been sold to a group of businessmen from Oklahoma City.

I instantly felt a pain in my stomach. It was similar to the pain that comes after downing a plate of tortilla chips smothered in that runny nacho cheese. It was not a good feeling. My mind began to swirl with memories:

-Sitting courtside for a Vin Baker game winning shot, then watching myself on King 5 News later that night.

-Attending a playoff game against the lakers.

-Driving south on I-5 with my dad to watch the Patrick Ewing and the Knicks take on the Sonics in the Tacoma Dome.

-Correcting my buddies when they called #33 "HERSHEY HAWKINS".

-Playing against Jamelle McMillan in 5th grade and seeing his father Nate in the stands.

-Collecting trading cards given out at Taco Time.

-Constantly cracking jokes about Predrag Drobnjak.

-Hitting up the "Kids Zone" food vendor when I was in high school to save a few bucks.

-Being on vacation in Boston in 2006 and watching Ray Allen guard Allen Ray.

-Calling my friends when I heard that the Sonics got the #2 pick in the Greg Oden / Kevin Durant draft.

-Wanting to get a flattop haircut like Detlef Schrempf.

-Pretending I was Gary Payton while playing hoops by myself in my room on a mini hoop.

It has now been 3 seasons since the Sonics became the Thunder. The nacho cheese continues to swoon in my stomach because of the tremendous success in OKC. I'm still not sure whether it's ok for me to root for the Thunder.

What I do know is that Seattle needs an NBA team again.

About 9 months ago I came up with an outside the box idea to bring the NBA back:

In the near future some NBA team will flounder because nobody is showing up to their games (IE- Sacramento Kings, New Orleans Hornets, Indiana Pacers, Toronto Raptors). Seattle is the 12 biggest media market in the US...so we can't be ignored for long.

When Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, builds a new stadium, buys one of these franchises and moves them here...I hope he follows this model.

MAKE IT SEATTLES TEAM!!!

Team Name: Seattle 206ers (that's the Seattle area code...also gives us a natural rivalry with the 76ers).

Coaches: We pay Nate 'Mr. Sonic' McMillan as much money as necessary come back to coach here. His assistants are: Jack Sickma, Detlef Schrempf and Gary Payton.

Mascot: A mix between Squatch and the numbers 2-0-6. very similar to the furry numbers on the Free Credit Report commercials.

Players: Here is where it gets good. There has been an influx of NBA talent coming out of Seattle. All current players from the inherited team are traded to fill our roster with players that have ties to the state of Washington. Here is how it would look.

Starters

PG Aaron Brooks Rockets (Franklin HS)

SG Brandon Roy Blazers (Garfield HS, 4 Years at UW)

SF Jamal Crawford Hawks (Rainer Beach HS)

PF Marvin Williams Hawks (Bremerton HS)

C Spencer Hawes 76ers (Seattle Prep HS, 1 Year at UW)

Bench

G Nate Robinson Celtics (Rainer Beach HS, 3 Years at UW)

G Jason Terry Mavericks (Franklin HS)

G Luke Ridnour T-Wolves (Blaine HS)

G Rodney Stuckey Pistons (Kentwood HS, 2 Years at Eastern Washington)

G Martell Webster T-Wolves (Seattle Prep HS)

F Adam Morrison Wizards (4 Years at Gonzaga)

F Terrence Williams Rockets (Rainer Beach HS)

F Brian Scalbrine Bulls (Enumclaw HS)

F Jon Brockman Bucks (Snohomish HS, 4 Years at UW)

C Ronny Turiaf Knicks (4 Years at Gonzaga)

Other Options

G Avery Bradley Celtics (Bellermine Prep HS)

G Will Conroy D-League (Garfield HS, 4 years at UW)

G Justin Dentmon D-League (4 years at UW)

G Kyle Weaver D-League (4 Years at Washington State)

G Marcus Williams D-League (Roosevelt HS)

F Bobby Jones D-League (4 Years at UW)

C CJ Giles Europe (Rainer Beach HS)

Up And Coming

G Isaiah Thomas Washington

G Tony Wroten Committed to Washington

G Gary Bell Jr. Committed to Gonzaga

G Peyton Siva Louisville

G Klay Thompson Washington State

F DeAngelo Casto Washington State

F Elias Harris Gonzaga

F Terrence Ross Washington

F Justin Holiday Washington

F Matt Bryan-Amaning Washington

C Josh Smith UCLA

C Robert Sacre Gonzaga

This is an idea that I would love to see happen. I foresee that one of the best days of my life will be when Seattle gets an NBA team back. Seattle has great basketball fans...we need the NBA again.

Saving Arby's

2009-10-06T12:44:00.000-07:00

Let me begin by telling you a story: I was a senior in high school and it was lunchtime on a Thursday. Some of my basketball teammates and I went to get food together. We had a game coming up that night so we wanted to pick a spot that wouldn't hinder ourselves that night. We chose poorly. We chose Arby's.

My buddy Jeff (one of the funniest people you'll ever meet) decided to order the "Loaded Potatoes". He claimed it was the worst decision of his life. Let me remind you that Jeff once knocked out his front teeth by falling in a parking lot while "foot sliding" down an icy hill while his friends hit him with nun-chucks.

Needless to say, the "Loaded Potatoes" could have been loaded with ex-lax and they would have done less damage. Jeff spent most of the afternoon unloading the potatoes. We'll leave it at that.

Not since then have I been to Arby's. Within months of this experience, the Arby's in downtown Bellevue shutdown. Arby's does have a few good things going, but, has WAY more going against it. I'd like to present 4 things that Arby's could do to get my attention again.

1. Offer 'Pepto Bismol' as a courtesy side dish. No matter what you order, you get 2 pills that will help prevent a terrible outcome.

2. Limit the menu to: Milkshakes, fries, soda and curly fries. Arby's has THE best shakes and curly fries. I would go out on a limb and say that they do this better than anyone out there. They should cut out all the roast beef, mozzarella sticks, chicken sandwiches and loaded potatoes and stick to what they do best. This way they can downsize their kitchens and lower production costs.

3. Only offer drive thru service. If you come to an intersection looking for a place use the bathroon and there is an Arby's, 7-11, Chevron and an empty parking lot flanking you...where would choose to stop? I'd have to say that Arby's is a push with the empty parking lot. Never have I gone into an Arby's and thought "Wow, I like how slimy the floors are!" or "This is cool how the stuffing pops out of the cushy seats." The interior of Arby's is about as outdated as Skate King. They should move to a drive through format and let people eat in their cars.

*Another good point made by Jeff Downs after reading this: Such a terrible investment to have those permanent poles setup for a line to the register when its never that busy. Everyone just walks around them to the front.

4. Get a real mascot. Right now their mascot is a "cowboy hat". If you wanted to get across a southern theme then why not go with a cowboy? How can you expect a hat to measure up to Jack, Ronald McDonald or the King? After just a few minutes of research I discovered that Arby's made an attempt at a good mascot by using a talking "oven mitt". And guess who was the voice: Tom Arnold. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that whoever pushed that idea into production probably doesn't have a job anymore.

Here are 5 viable options as a mascot:

1. The Hamburglar - McDonalds doesn't use him anymore anyways.

2. Gumby - He's been outta work since I was about 7.

3. Woody - If you want to stick with the cowboy theme then go get the most well known one out there.

4. Curly from the 3 Stooges- He fits with curly fries being the best thing you serve.

5. Zinedine Zidane- He's not playing soccer anymore and in your commercials he could just headbutt the competitors.

How To Buy A Jersey

2009-09-24T12:38:00.001-07:00

I currently own 5 sports jerseys that I purchased. I am actually surprised that I only have this many. However, after much thought and deliberation I have realized that this is a healthy number. One of my favorite parts about going to sporting events is seeing the fans. I love the enthusiasm and passion that fans display. To go to a Seahawks game without a jersey is like going to a bowling alley without your own socks. Sure it might work out...but it's just not right.

Buying a jersey should be a difficult decision. They are not cheap (typically $75-$125) and the player you choose must reflect something about you.

To explain my method for buying jerseys I will tell you about my 5 jerseys.

My first jersey was Lofa Tatupu #51 of the Seahawks. I bought his jersey because:

A) He was a Pro Bowler the year before I purchased it.

B) He was my favorite player on my hometown team.

C) He would be the anchor of our defense for the next 10 years.

My dad and I went to a Baltimore Ravens game. To remember my experience I bought a Ray Lewis jersey. He is the best linebacker ever to play the game of football. He is the most emotional player ever to play the game of football. He has the best dance when his name gets announced in the game of football.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d60hKgNPlVE

(Note: Ray Lewis murdered a man about a decade ago...yet I still dig him.)

My next jersey was given to me by my parents for Christmas. It is of my favorite athlete of all time, Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs. Tim is my guy. Though his jersey is not popular...I can take any crap I get for wearing it. That is key with a jersey. If the player ends up sucking or isn't flashy you must be able to stick up for him. I will argue with you for days about Tim Duncan. He's the best power forward ever.

Next I decided to buy a Seahawks jersey of an offensive player. I went with Matt Hasselbeck because of a few reasons:

A) I didn't yet own the jersey of a white player.

B) I knew he would be around for at least 3 years.

C) I was willing to defend him even if he ended up sucking, growing old or getting injured.

My most recent jersey purchase was at the Basketball Hall of Fame when I picked up my Larry Bird jersey. I also got a Bird DVD to go along with it. I have watched it at least a half dozen times. Bird is kind of the antithesis of todays professional athlete. He hates crowds. He hates attention. He hates anyone who isn't on his side. He is the ultimate competitor. He was the heart and soul of the Boston Celtics. He is blue collar. I like all those attributes of Bird and his game. There are so many stories and legends about Bird. There is mystique that surrounds Bird. When I wear my Bird jersey I don't feel that I am necessarily repping the Celtics or that I'm trying to look more "hood" than usual. I feel that I am representing the person and style of Larry Bird.

Here is my JERSEY BUYING MANIFESTO:

1. Don't buy baseball or hockey jerseys. They aren't cool. I have never seen somebody wearing one and thought "I wish I had one of those."

2. The jersey you buy has got to be of your guy. You've got to be willing to stand up for him through thick and thin, old age and injury. You've got to have confidence to say "That's my guy".

3. Make certain that there is a 90% chance your guy is gonna be around for at least 3 years. Check their contract situation. Make sure they don't have a young prodigy who is gonna take over their spot next season.

4. Your player must be at an All Star level...or very close to it. Middle of the road players don't deserve jerseys of theirs to be purchased.

5. When you think of that specific player you must think of the team whose jersey you are wearing. For example, don't buy a Brett Favre jersey on the Jets or Vikings. He will be remembered as a Packer. If there is question as to what he will be remembered as...don't buy it.

I hope that in the future you heed my advice when buying a jersey. I think that if you follow these guidelines then you will be satisfied with your purchase.

The Highlight

2009-08-02T13:17:00.000-07:00

ESPN became big because it introduced and mastered one thing: the highlight. The worldwide leader in sports has long been and will forever be (hopefully) the mecca of sports entertainment. The highlight is what propelled it to such heights and as sustained it power. Sportscenter has allowed viewers to watch a 60 second montage of a game and see all the best plays. This fits in perfectly with our 'have it in an instant' nation. I can watch any sports highlights. I know Sportscenter is only going to show great plays that I will enjoy. I can appreciate even the lamest of sports as long as its just highlights. Here are my best highlights for each sport. I decided that it has to be a play that can happen at any time in a game. So no "Walk off homeruns" or "Hailmary touchdowns". The event can happen on any given sequence.

Tennis: Between The Legs Shot This never gets old. Anytime I play tennis (very rare) I give this shot a try. The pros only do it when its the best shot available...which is crazy. They are running full speed and swing a racket through there legs as hard as they can (scary for a guy) and still manage to keep it between the lines. Great highlight.

Baseball: Robbing A Homerun There are 3 things that make a good homerun rob:

1. Full speed running. None of this hangout by the wall...wait...wait... now jump and catch.

2. Bending arm. Anytime it looks like there might be a dislocated shoulder, hyperextended elbow or a broken wrist...then it's getting good.

3. Hat falls off. Truly a good catch when you hit the wall hard enough for the hat to pop off.

Basketball: Alley Oop Maybe my favorite overall highlight. So fun to see some body emerge from a crowd and throw it down. Best duo I've ever seen was Jason Kidd to Vince Carter. Kidd would throw from halfcourt and Carter would just go get it no matter where it was.

Golf: Errant Shot Hits Tree It looks like a terrible shot and then...bonk...the ball rolls into the fairway. The golfers don't celebrate enough. They stay mad at themselves. This is like banking a free throw. Don't be mad, be happy you got lucky.

Racing: Crash If there is any other reason to watch NASCAR highlights then I don't know about it.

Hockey: Fist Fight If the NHL wants me to watch their games, then they need to guarantee me at least one fight per period. I could endure everything else to watch those fights.

Football: Halfback Pass / Reverse This is perhaps the trickiest of the highlights. It's great athletes making great plays. These are HUGE game-changers that often result in points. I hated when the Seahawks got scored on in the Superbowl on a trick play...but it was an epic highlight.

Soccer: Bicycle Kick This is something I have never done. To have a ball come swinging in and you decide to flail your body and kick the ball while upside down is INCREDIBLE. I'm starting to enjoy soccer and I didn't realize how really rare this play is. It's downright enjoyable when it happens.

Afterglow

2009-07-08T17:08:00.001-07:00

I got to thinking about a certain kind of situation today while at work. I am coaching hoops at the Pro Club and this week we have a camp going for younger kids. During the camps lunch time the gym fills up with 30+ year old former high school ballers. It's usually the same mix of guys and they are actually better than they look. Most work at Microsoft or own their own business so they come an play ball with guys a couple times a week on their lunch break. They run the court from about 11:30 - 1:00. When we get back in their to continue camp most of them are hanging out and shooting on the side hoops.

I get the hunch that this is what most of them are there for. Those 10-20 minutes after the games have been played are the reason these guys pay a ridiculous amount of money to join the club and play a few times a week. I would like to call this 10-20 minute period of time the AFTERGLOW.

I don't know exactly how define afterglow but its almost like a side-effect that really adds to an experience. I don't want it to seem like, "These guys endure the pain of basketball for an hour and a half so they can chit-chat for 15 minutes afterwards." Thats not fully true. Most of these guys are gym rats. But the afterglow really completes their experience.

Here are some other situations that I thought of where 'afterglow' is in effect.

Funny Credits At A Movie The classic example is the credits for "A Bugs Life". I honestly can only remember 2 things about the movie. First, the big tree at the beginning and secondly, that I laughed during the ending credits. We see this all the time now in animated movies. They take bloopers and package them into short bites while the 236 names of sound editors slide up the screen. Obviously you don't go to a movie to see the credits. But, even if the movie was terrible (i.e. A Bugs Life) you still will walk out of the theatre with a smile on your face.

Bonus Features On a DVD Sometimes these can be extremely lame. Especially the directors commentary on the film. You're the director...if you thought the ending would be better some other way then why didn't you do it that way? Thats like a guy saying bringing an extra tie to church and saying, "I was gonna wear this one...but decided that this one would appeal more to the masses." Just make up your mind and go with it. Anyways, bonus features can be better than the DVD itself, especially if one of the main characters is hilarious in real life or if there is behind the scenes with a band.

The Ride Home From A Sporting Event I also want to include the walk to the car. The past few seasons the Mariners have been junk. You can't argue with that. But the game can be great for other reasons: beautiful stadium, garlic fries and loud drunk guys just to name a few. The walk back to the car is always filled with excitement. You get the drunk stumblers, the over protective mom, the guy who wore a sleeveless shirt because it was 60 degrees at gametime but now the temperature has plummeted into the low 40's, they guy running to beat traffic, the homeless beggars, the guy in his 1998 Jeep honking and yelling, "Go Angels" just to tick people off. Chances are, that longterm, you'll remember the afterglow more than the actual game.

The Stench This is a bit raunchy...so I'll keep it short. Say you're in a car overpacked with guys. Lets say 6 dudes in a 5 seat belt car. You're in the passenger seat all by yourself. You ate something nasty for lunch. So you rip a good one. Everyone, including yourself gets a good chuckle out of the fart. But the afterglow has yet to begin. Wait about :20 seconds and then you really start laughing. It's already too hot in the car...but now it starts to feel humid. Now thats afterglow!

There are other examples out there, I know. But these are just a few that I think you can identify with. Don't come to the conclusion that something has been mediocre until you let the afterglow take effect.

My Sports Teams, My Friends

2009-06-19T19:06:00.000-07:00

I logged a whole bunch of pressure washing hours today. There are 3 bad things about pressure pressure washing:

1. You're in the same slightly bent over position for hours at a time.

2. Your arms are constantly shaking / vibrating.

3. You're smelling the gas fumes for the pressure washer the whole time you work.

With that said, today I started thinking about all the sports teams that I am a fan of and how my level of loyalty is different for each of them. I then decided that this was kind of like different levels of friendship. So, in my stiff, shaky and stoned state...I came up with this.

Seattle Seahawks The Seahawks are the person that you spend the most time with. Not necessarily my best friend...but in your fave five for sure. You can invite yourself over to this persons house. You can tell them the truth...whether good or bad. On a Sunday its assumed that you're gonna be hanging out after church. Everyone knows that you two are tight and wouldn't dare try to interrupt. If you want to hang with me...then you better be ok with hanging with the Hawks.

Seattle Mariners The Mariners are like a friend that you hangout with seasonally, but when you hang out...it comes in bunches. I don't pretend to be a huge baseball fan. Me being a B- level fan is still higher than most. But, I don't really live and die with this team. I will hear about trades and signings in the offseason and just acknowledge them and move on. Then the season starts and I'm really into it for a couple weeks, then the NBA playoffs get going and I forget about them for a while. Then they win 5 games in a row and I'm paying close attention again. I suppose we could compare this to an old high school friend who you hang with a ton when they come back from college at Christmas, spring break and for summer.

Seattle Sonics This is like an old buddy from the youth group who isn't serving God anymore. We have alot of good memories together. Loads of funny stories. But now he's moved to another state and is working at Arby's. You still love the guy unapologetically...but you wish he'd come home. When you hear news about him (via FaceBook or a friend) you get excited, and then think of what could have been. The Sonics are like this to me because when I see how bright the future of the Thunder is, I get excited and then realize they aren't close anymore. But one day, hopefully soon, we'll be getting another NBA team in town.

San Antonio Spurs The Spurs are like my best friend. They've been with me for a long time. We never argue. Never bicker. Rarely complain. We can go a few months without talking and pick right back up with no awkwardness. Win or lose...we're still gonna be best friends. The Spurs, to me, are like a best friend because I'm not afraid to take them anywhere. It's like this: if someone is really your best friend then they can hang out with any of your other groups of friends and you're not embarrassed by them. You can bring them to play volleyball with you, and even if they suck, you don't care. You can bring them to dinner with a bunch of people they've never met, and you don't feel like you have to entertain them the whole time. Not everyone will like your best friend. But thats why they're YOUR best friend. Hardly anyone else likes the Spurs...but they are MY best friend.

University of Washington Football This is the friend that was really cool in high school...then became a loser (0 and 12)...but they still make you laugh so you keep in contact. You hope that they get their life back in order. You know that then everyone would be their friend. Until then, you think about them every couple weeks or so. I believe that UW Football is on the rise. Pac 10 Champions 2011!

University of Washington Basketball This is the guy that you befriended long before he was cool. He had an ugly haricut, bad acne, smelled a little funny and wasn't good at much. Then, he hit a growth spurt and got good at sports, finally found out that Supercuts was a bad option, discovered deodorant and kind of came out of his shell. Now everybody is friends with him. You feel a bit cheated that others are digging this guy now. You had his back through this whole process. I can't stand the people who all of a sudden jumped on the Husky bandwagon when they won the Pac 10. Did you even know there who Jon Brockman was 6 months ago? Do you think that Justin Dentmon was always this good? Wait, you think that this Isaiah Thomas is the other ones son?

Seattle Sounders The Sounders are like the guy who just moved into town that it seems like you should be good friends with. You have alot in common. Everyone is quickly becoming friends with this person...but you remain a bit skeptical. You hang out with this person at parties and in big groups. But would almost dread hanging out alone. The Sounders are the new hotness in Seattle right now. I am pacing myself and trying to see if soccer can hold my attention. I don't want to adopt the Sounders and try and convince everyone that I've always loved soccer. I haven't. But I am giving them a chance. I'm not sure it will work out. But maybe the Sounders will fold in the meantime.

Duke University Basketball This is the friend that you know gets on other peoples nerves. They have a stigma about them. A little swagger that rubs people the wrong way. Either you love this person or you hate this person. I LOVE Duke basketball. I keep up with recruiting and will rub it in if Duke beats your team. I will argue Duke vs. North Carolina ALL DAY LONG! Coach K is one of my heroes. He could be linked to Michael Vick and dogfighting and I would still stick up for him. Being a friend of Duke comes with its difficulties. But Duke is one of my guys.

Gonzaga University Basketball The Zags are like a friend of a friend that you've gotten to know pretty well. You have become friends by association. You have mutual hobbies and interests, but you still aren't that close. You've never been over to their house (never been to Spokane), you don't know their middle name, and they seem to have a little grudge or something that hangs over the relationship. You both like each other...but probably won't invite them to your birthday party.

Bellevue Christian Basketball BCS Basketball is like a brother. If you're gonna talk smack...you're gonna get smacked. If you diss BCS hoops...I'll diss your mom. There is no room for error on your part. Nothing is coming between me and BCS basketball. I would gladly give up any of my other friends (sports teams) to keep the Vikings. I live and die with this team. Nuff said.

I love all of my sports teams...just to different degrees. It's not a pecking order kind of thing. It's just that each team has a specific role in my life. Just like my friends do. For each of these teams I can think of an actual friend who matches the description. To evade embarrassment, I will not tell you who they are. Just know that all of these teams / friends have a close place in my heart.

10 Things We Learned During The 2009 NBA Playoffs

2009-06-14T23:26:00.000-07:00

Things didn't end up the way I wanted them to. Actually, it was more like a nightmare in that everything was opposite of how I would have like it. However, I did learn these 10 Things During The NBA Playoffs:

Honorable Mention:

-Stan van Gundy is the only NBA coach who owns turtlenecks.

-The Portland Trailblazers weren't quite ready.

-The NBA has like 14 different types of fouls.

-The 'Redeem Team' made the NBA 10 times more competetive.

-Dwight Howard doesn't have post moves.

-"The Birdman" gets higher (pun intended) than any other white guy.

-Puppets are cool.

-Jeff van Gundy is hilarious.

10. Chauncey Billups is a force in the locker room. When Denver traded Iverson away to bring back the hometown boy in Billups I was skeptical. Billups is aging just as much as Iverson and I always thought Billups was just an equal piece on the Piston teams. Billups proved himself to be a magician in the locker room. He had to deal with CRAZY ego's. Kenyon Martin, JR Smith, Carmello, Chris 'The Birdman' Anderson, Nene (yes he only goes by one name...like Madonna) and George Karl. Somehow, since he showed up, the Nuggets played like they were the second best team in the NBA. Well done Chauncey.

9. Tattoos are half price in Denver. Just came up with this joke: What's half black, half white and has red lips? Kenyon Martin's neck.

8. Dos Equis now makes the best beer commercials. I had never even heard of Dow Equis until like 6 weeks ago. Now, I tell end conversations with, "Stay thirsty my friends."

7. Greg Oden is a bust. He's terrible. His nickname should be "The Human Foul". It turns out that the movie Benjamin Button was actually based on his life.

6. Derrick Rose will be a super-duper star. He's got the swag. He's got the skills. He knows how to cheat (stay tuned to hear more about how someone else took his SAT's for him).

5. The Spurs dynasty may have come to an end. Hold on, let me grab my Kleenex. (sniff sniff). Ok, they may have one more run in them. But, I doubt it. You can't pick at the bottom of the draft for a decade and continue to play at a championship level. In the past 11 seasons the Spurs have 4 titles and the Lakers have 4 titles. It was a great run. Tim Duncan...you've been good to me.

4. The Lakers own a very big bandwagon. Where were you during the Nick van Exel / Vlade Divac days? Didn't you hate Derek Fisher when he left LA for more money a few years back? Have you completely blocked 'Kobe In Colorado' out of your memory? How can you root for a coach that looks like Colonel Sanders?

3. Hedo Turkoglu is the ugliest man in the NBA. I feel bad for his dopplegangers.

2. Kobe Bryant is one of the top 10 players of all time. I'm man enough to admit it. The other 9 (no particular order): Jordan, Shaq, Bird, Magic, Duncan, Russell, Wilt, West, Oscar.

He's also on the top 10 sleazy list. Right behind Howard Stern, Monica Lewinsky and Jon from Jon and Kate Plus 8.

1. LeBron needs more help. It's way to difficult for him to score 40 every night. By the end of the series with Orlando he looked like he was in a coma.

Side Note: What's worse? Spending 6 months in a coma or spending the rest of your life in Tacoma. You choose!

Ok, back to Lebron. He needs a sidekick. Mo Williams is a GREAT #3 option. He' could easily fill the role that JR Smith, Rashard Lewis and Lamar Odom did for their teams this post season. The Cav's are just missing that one piece. I don't like this talk of them going after Shaq. He's too old. They need to find a guy who is a go to scorer on a bad team right now. Maybe an Antawan Jamison, a Vince Carter or a Richard Jefferson. All of those guys can create their own shot and having them on the court with Lebron would create nasty matchup problems.

Anyways, even though this years NBA season turned out terrible, it was very entertaining and I will miss it. I'm glad that we all learned so much throughout the playoffs this year. Just remember, "Stay Thirsty My Friends".

Ford Zone

2009-06-06T22:12:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite questions of all time is this:

If you could only listen to one band for the rest of your life...who would you choose?

There are some important factors to consider here. Would the lead singers voice get annoying after a while? (The Fray) Do all of the songs sound the same (Bob Marley) Do you really like hip hop that much? (Kanye West)

This leads to a correlating question:

If your church only played music from one worship group...who would you choose?

After people think about this question for a while they usually land, reluctantly, on Hillsong. I say 'reluctantly' because most people think that it's a boring answer. The bold out there would go with Jonathan Stockstill, Planetshakers or Kim Walker (for the women activists).

Hillsong has reached an interesting level. I'd like to call it the Ford Zone. This is named after Harrison Ford. Let me explain. Hillsong has been pumping out CD's so often and for so long that they have become almost commonplace. We get excited when a new CD comes out and we want to get it fairly quick. But, when someone else asks, "How's the new Hillsong CD" The response is usually, "It's pretty good". However, when Kim Walker puts out a new CD people freak out, listen to it on repeat for days and think all we should sing in church is Kim Walker. Don't get me wrong, I love Kim Walker's music...but she doesn't nearly approach Hillsong on any level.

Here is where Ford comes in. Let's take a look at the movies he pumped out since his career began in 1966 (I didn't even know movies were around back then):

-3 Star Wars Movies

-4 Indian Jones Movies

-Air Force One

-Clear and Present Danger

-The Fugitive

-K-19

-Patriot Games

Think of those movies and the roles that he's played. Could anyone else cover all of those? How would you feel if Nicolas Cage was the President and took down terrorists aboard Air Force One? Are you not cracking up if Jon Travolta is running around with Chewbaca? What if Emilio Estevez was showing Shia Labeouf the ropes in the newest Indiana Jones?

Harrison Ford may not be as epic as Mel Gibson, not as lovable as Tom Hanks or as cool as Tom Cruise. And some of those guys may even be more versatile than Ford. But, Ford consistently put out great movies spanning 4 decades. Hillsong hasn't quite been around that long but they are undoubtedly the longest standing player in the worship scene.

I think that Hillsong has been so good for so long that they have entered the "Ford Zone" where you are under-appreciated. Their newest CD (Hillsong United - Across The Earth / Tear Down The Walls) came out a few weeks back and I'm sure that most of you have it. None of the songs have made me tear up while listening to them. It isn't the most epic CD, I don't LOVE every song on the CD and it may not be as edgy as a Planetshakers album. But it's solid. Actually, more than solid. I've been listening to it alot while working, driving and studying and it's still growing on me.

I'm not saying that we should abandon all other worship music besides Hillsong. Our worship times would fold like a lawnchair. And I'm not saying that everyone must esteem Hillsong as a notch above any of the other bands mentioned. I just think it's cool that they have been puting out rad music for so long and they keep doing it.

I suppose at some point when Harrison Ford dies people will look at his career and think, "Wow, Ford really put out tons of great movies!" I think this is what we will do with Hillsong years and years from now.

10 Fave Days

2009-05-29T22:41:00.001-07:00

Here is a comprehensive list of my 10 favorite days of every year (in order):

10. Madden Release Day - I have bought the newest version of Madden since at least 1999. I haven't even bought bibles that often. Maybe haven't bought deodorant that often either.

9. State Tournament Draw Sunday - This is when we find out who we're playing. The coaches of every team are sitting in a room. It's so fun to see the opposing coach when they find out they have to play BCS.

8. Last Day of School - The start of summer is such a relief. Getting to sleep in, warm weather, no more homework. Only downside is the potential for sunburns.

7. Super Bowl Sunday - A true American holiday. This is an event that rarely reaches the hype that it carries, but the commercials remain great despite how good the game is. One thing I get frustrated with is when the Super Bowl is the only football game they watch all year. Then you get questions like, "I thought Peyton Manning was black", "Who does Jerry Rice play for these days", and "Wasn't Tom Brady on the Brady Bunch?"

6. My Birthday - August 28th is grand. Always seems to be sunny outside. It has happened twice though that school started on my birthday. Yeah, that was lame. Nobody brings you presents or bakes you cookies cause it's the first day and they didn't know it was your birthday. I feel cheated.

5. 1st Day of March Madness - Here is an event where the first round is better than the final round. Skipping school, watching on your iPhone, arguing over brackets, seeing buzzer beaters and falling in love with some random team make this a great day.

4. First Snow Day - Is there anything better than waking up and thinking about all the junk you have to get done that day only to look outside and see a solid 4 inches of snow? It's the greatest feeling. You then try to go back to bed, but you are so pumped for the snow that you just toss and turn until you finally go down, make some toast and watch Steve Pool do his thing. Then comes the sledding. I just got goosebumps thinking about the first snow day.

3. Fantasy Football Draft - Not sure I plan for anything as much as this day. 10 guys (of whom I'm youngest) sit around for 4+ hours making picks. This is such a crucial day because you can screw up a full season of your favorite hobby with just a few bad moves. It's like tweaking your knee at the start of ski season. You'll just kind of hobble the rest of the way if you screw this up.

2. Christmas Day - Call me shallow, but I love presents.

1. Last Night Of GC Camp - Honestly would trade any of these other events for this one. By far the best thing going.

Elements of a Good Nickname

2009-05-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

Why I Love Bill Simmons

2009-04-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

While on vacation I started reading a book by my favorite sportswriter, Bill Simmons. He is a 30 something diehard sports fan who hails from Boston. Simmons is the #1 writer for ESPN. He is first and foremost a basketball guy, which I like, and probably 80% of his columns have to do with the Boston sports scene. He has been in heaven in the 2000's. The Patriots are the most dominant NFL team of this decade, the Red Sox finally broke their curse in 2004 and the Celtics came out of nowhere last year to win the NBA Title. Bill Simmons introduced me to ESPN.com's NBA Trade Machine (it's so great), made me believe that Larry Bird is the greatest white athlete ever, and showed me how a fan should love it's hometown sports teams.

People routinely make fun of me for my "man crush" on Bill Simmons. But those same people like to hang out with me. Folks, I get my sports humor from Mr. Simmons. Here are 3 of my favorite things to do...all of which I picked up from Bill Simmons:

1. Point out look-a-likes. I have 2/3rds of The City Church choir casted if they ever want to make a movie. Seriously, stand next to me during worship and I'll point out Mr. Incredible, Wolverine from X-Men, Emmitt Smith, and the bird lady from Home Alone 2. You don't know me if you've never heard me utter, "Why is _____ _____ over there by the trash can?"

2. Come up with theories. I know some of you get annoyed and think I'm looney for my theories. Simmons calls himself the "Vice President of Common Sense". In high school, I filled out a NCAA Tournament bracket under the name of "The Voice of Reason"...somehow my principal (ironically the one running the pool) knew it was my bracket. I truly feel that I could run sports teams better than 50% of the guys out there. Why? Just use some sound reasoning. Anyways, back to my theories. Most, of course, are sports related. But others have centered around topics such as getting your parents to pay for stuff (example: not bringing up the topic of buying you a car when you're 16 until they realize that YOU could drive your sister to school everyday...worked like a charm).

3. Rich Man, Poor Man, Homeless Man. I can only use these with certain people. For you basketball fans, I call my friend Zach Zeis "A Poor Man's Carlos Boozer". This isn't a look alike...but there are similarities in some ways. In the "Zeis - Boozer" example: both are physical basketball players, both are guys you want on your team and both can grow massive amounts of facial hair. Obviously I can't share these comparisons with everyone because you need to know both parties well to see the correlation. Here are some examples that you may catch. Houston Hey is a poor mans Marty Sampson, Benny Perez is a poor mans George Lopez, Colby Jones is a poor mans Wes Dunn, the BlackBerry Bold is the poor mans iPhone, Tully's is the poor mans Starbucks, Woodinville is the poor mans Kirkland. You might be wondering...what about the "Homeless Man"? Well, that is when it's really a stretch. Such as: Taco Bell is a homeless man's Chipotle, Cuba Gooding Jr is a homeless man's Denzel Washington and Yakima is a homeless man's Palm Springs. Make sense now?

Bill Simmons has had quite the impact on me. I'm reading his book about the Red Sox. I don't even like the Red Sox...but his writing is just too goo. All of us have random people that impact us. One of mine is Bill Simmons. I know that 99% of you won't ever read any of his articles / books or listen to any of his podcasts. Thats fine. I plan on becoming a homeless man's Bill Simmons.

People I Don't Change The Channel On

2009-04-14T16:41:00.001-07:00

So it's Ken Griffey JR's first game back in Seattle. Everyone in the stadium seems jacked up about it and I know that I scheduled my trips to the pool around the first few innings of this game. (I'm on vacation in Palm Springs). I was not going to miss Griffey coming up to the plate. This re-sparked something that i've thought about quite a bit. Who are the people I don't change the channel on? This doesn't mean that I'm gonna watch the whole Mariners game. But, throughout this season, if i'm surfing the stations and I see that Griffey is up...then i'm gonna stop and see what happens.

LeBron James: So much potential for a highlight. I have to remind myself that this guy is the best athlete we've ever seen. He could play any sport. Do you think he could be stopped as a wide receiver? How many homers would he rob if he was playing centerfield? What if he was the goalie for the US in the World Cup: nothing would get by him.

Steve Pool: I don't change the channel because I am mesmerized by his hairline. It's immaculate. Plus, the weather report only takes a few minutes. And it's pertinent information. KOMO 4 has me when it comes to watching the weather report.

TD Jakes: Best preacher around. I at least wait till a commercial to change it. If I change the channel earlier...won't I be struck with lightning or something?

Tiger Woods: I have and will never change the channel on Tiger when he's up at the ball. The most dominating athlete of my lifetime. Maybe ever. Sidenote: Tiger is lucky he plays a hat where a hat is typical garb. He looks about 20 years older without one.

It takes more than someone being your favorite or being the best at what they do to be "unchangeable". Tim Duncan is my favorite basketball player...but I'll change the channel on him. Larry King is the best interviewer...but he's on all the time. Michael Phelps was unchangeable for 2 weeks...but now I change the channel as fast as possible when he's on a commercial. The people that you don't change the channel on someone intrigue you in a way that no one else can.

Who are some people that you don't change the channel on?

4 Things I'll Never Do

2009-04-02T21:59:00.000-07:00

This is a list (not comprehensive) of things that I will never do. Ever. Like, you'd have to get into six figures before I even entertain your offer. I will never...

4. Watch Twilight This shouldn't need explaining. But in todays world...it does. Why would I want to watch a movie about a girl falling in love with a vampire? This is stupid. Vampires are so unreliable. The only vampire you can count on is Count Dracula from Sesame Street.

3. Disown SportsCenter People often ask me my favorite TV show. I usually give them the pecking order of The Office, LOST, 24 and American Idol. I assume that people realize that SportsCenter is at the top of the list. It's like the Bible on the top of the bestseller list. It's just a given fact that the Bible is the best. Nothing beats SportsCenter.

2. Understand Rugby I have had Australians, Englishmen, New Zealanders, Samoans and even Canadians try and explain this sport to me. I don't understand it...AT ALL. From what I hear the term "rugby" can mean Rugby League, Rugby Union or Australian Rules Football. These are similar but not the same. Kind of like the Triune Godhead. Any game with a "scrum" isn't a game for me.

1. Pull An All Nighter Never done it, don't feel that I'm missing out. I did stay up till 6:00 AM once at my friend Dylan's house. We were playing this game for GameCube called Dirt 2 Daytona. We played Nascar races in their full mode. Like, not in the shortened laps mode. We drove the full 5oo miles of Daytona. Multiple times over. Pretty much ruined any and all desire to stay up all night.

Mt. Rushmore of Fast Food

2009-03-09T11:41:00.000-07:00

So I spent this last week in Yakima for the 1A Basketball State Tournament. We took 6th by the way. Definitely an overachievement from our expectations. Good stuff.

While in Yakima I ate lots of fast food. Thats just part of the state tournament. There are a few places that are uniquely Yakima (Minors, Majors, Rons Tacos) and tons that are nationwide (McDonalds, Subway, KFC). I got to try Sonic for the first time in my life. I liked it but it didn't quite live up to my expectations.

Anyways, this got me to thinking about my Mount Rushmore of Fast Food.

4. Taco Time Mexi-Fries. That is what separates Taco Time from Taco Bell. Sometime when I was in high school Taco Bell decided that Mexi-Fries weren't good anymore. They were wrong. Mexi-Fries are the greatest side snack other than fries. Would you go to McDonalds without french fries? I didn't think so. Another thing, why would I want to go to a "Tri-Restaurant" These are anything but restful. The Taco Bell/Pizza Hit/KFC establishment needs to stop. I don't want to smell mashed potatoes and breadsticks with my Gordito. Also, Chipotle has better burritos than Taco Time...but there is a limited menu and its a bit expensive. And of course no Mexi-Fries.

3. Panda Express Just give me Orange Chicken! My meals here are not so frequent because they are rare around town since their departure from Bell Square. But their Orange Chicken is amazing. A little rice, a little chow-mein and 2 orders of Orange Chicken. I've never had better Orange Chicken. Not at P.F. Changs. Not at Golden Chopsticks. Not at Yao Ming's house.

2. Subway Don't give me the junk about Quiznard's (thats what my friend Jesy's mom calls it) being better than Subway. It's not true. The last time I had Quizno's I threw up. No joke. Right in the parking lot after. I will never go back. The ingredients at Subway are much fresher and they don't get annoyed when you ask for more ingredients. Quizno's started the "toasting" phenomenon but Subway has perfected it. Plus, you can't replace the M&M cookies and the Raspberry Iced Tea. My favorite order: Footlong Chicken, Bacon, Ranch on Italian Herbs and Cheese. Toasted with Pepperjack Cheese, Green Peppers, Onions, Lettuce then Ranch and Chipotle Sauce. With a doozie of salt and pepper.

1. Nasai Teriyaki This could be considered sit down but I get take out more than anything. The "Spicy Special" is a weekly staple in my diet. And I don't understand the people that pay an extra dollar for brown rice. Is white rice really not healthy enough? The rest of the world has been eating white rice for 2,000 years.

If I was 6'4.

2009-02-25T13:36:00.000-08:00

If you follow my Twitter "spencerkraker" (which 142 of you do) then you'd know that my legs are aching like crazy today. I haven't felt this stretching pain since about 9th grade. Maybe I slept weird. Maybe its the stresses of coaching in big basketball games. Maybe I just have ingrown hairs all up and down my legs. Gross. I'd like to think that I actually am growing...even at the age 0f 21.

Whenever someone asks me how tall I am I respond with "Six feet in shoes". Who cares how tall I am when I'm not wearing shoes? Any activity where height becomes a factor requires shoes. So I consider myself part of the six foot club. This will give me a distinct advantage in any Six Foot And Under basketball leagues that I end up joining in the future. But that advantage may be quickly fading. Because I sincerely think that I am growing. I have been day dreaming of Spencer Kraker...the 6'4 version. Here are 5 things that would be great if I were 6'4.

5. I would get to buy all new clothes and shoes. Unless high-waters and belly shirts came into style.

4. It would open my relationship possibilities to hundreds of more girls. I will NEVER marry someone taller than me.

4b. Also, I will never marry someone that is 6'4.

3. I could become an inspirational speaker to short people who want to grow. My slogan would be "Heighten Your Hope". Genius.

2. I could crack jokes that I was 5 foot 16. To which there is always an awkward pause.

1. I would enroll at UW and tryout for the hoops team. I sincerely believe that I could make the team if I was 6'4.

Don't Get Blogged Down

2009-01-28T10:35:00.000-08:00

So my friend Chuck Skoda told me that I needed to start a blog. I like to write about God and Sports. Hopefully this blog has a good balance of both. And if you know my me to any extent you know that there will be some random and funny things that are written on here as well.

To start things off, I figured I'd share my short list of dream jobs. (counting down to #1)

5. NFL Chaplin How fun would it be to get to be with an NFL team all the time and not have to work out! You'd get so much free gear and you could still have another job during the week. Sounds ideal to me.

4. In Game Director for an NBA Team Orchestrating giveaways, finding celebrity look-a-likes in the crowd and playing the perfect music at the perfect time would be my main focus.

3. NBA General Manager I swear I could do better than 50% of the guys with these jobs right now. I would adapt many of the ideas of my favorite sportswriter Bill Simmons. All it really takes is some common sense. My motto: DO NOT HIRE KNUCKLEHEADS!

2. SportsCenter Anchor I have dreamt of this one my entire life. I would move to Bristol, Connecticut if they offered me a job. How cool would it be for EVERY athlete to know who you are. I bet more athletes know who Stuart Scott is as opposed to the Secretary of Defense.

1. Pastor Yawn. This is what I'll end up doing.