My buddy Jeff (one of the funniest people you'll ever meet) decided to order the "Loaded Potatoes". He claimed it was the worst decision of his life. Let me remind you that Jeff once knocked out his front teeth by falling in a parking lot while "foot sliding" down an icy hill while his friends hit him with nun-chucks.
Needless to say, the "Loaded Potatoes" could have been loaded with ex-lax and they would have done less damage. Jeff spent most of the afternoon unloading the potatoes. We'll leave it at that.
Not since then have I been to Arby's. Within months of this experience, the Arby's in downtown Bellevue shutdown. Arby's does have a few good things going, but, has WAY more going against it. I'd like to present 4 things that Arby's could do to get my attention again.
1. Offer 'Pepto Bismol' as a courtesy side dish. No matter what you order, you get 2 pills that will help prevent a terrible outcome.
2. Limit the menu to: Milkshakes, fries, soda and curly fries. Arby's has THE best shakes and curly fries. I would go out on a limb and say that they do this better than anyone out there. They should cut out all the roast beef, mozzarella sticks, chicken sandwiches and loaded potatoes and stick to what they do best. This way they can downsize their kitchens and lower production costs.
3. Only offer drive thru service. If you come to an intersection looking for a place use the bathroon and there is an Arby's, 7-11, Chevron and an empty parking lot flanking you...where would choose to stop? I'd have to say that Arby's is a push with the empty parking lot. Never have I gone into an Arby's and thought "Wow, I like how slimy the floors are!" or "This is cool how the stuffing pops out of the cushy seats." The interior of Arby's is about as outdated as Skate King. They should move to a drive through format and let people eat in their cars.
*Another good point made by Jeff Downs after reading this: Such a terrible investment to have those permanent poles setup for a line to the register when its never that busy. Everyone just walks around them to the front.
4. Get a real mascot. Right now their mascot is a "cowboy hat". If you wanted to get across a southern theme then why not go with a cowboy? How can you expect a hat to measure up to Jack, Ronald McDonald or the King? After just a few minutes of research I discovered that Arby's made an attempt at a good mascot by using a talking "oven mitt". And guess who was the voice: Tom Arnold. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that whoever pushed that idea into production probably doesn't have a job anymore.
Here are 5 viable options as a mascot:
1. The Hamburglar - McDonalds doesn't use him anymore anyways.
2. Gumby - He's been outta work since I was about 7.
3. Woody - If you want to stick with the cowboy theme then go get the most well known one out there.
4. Curly from the 3 Stooges- He fits with curly fries being the best thing you serve.
5. Zinedine Zidane- He's not playing soccer anymore and in your commercials he could just headbutt the competitors.
