NBA Preseason Primer

It's the most wonderful sports time of the year!

Football season is in full swing, basketball is less than a week away, and baseball is almost finished.

(Note: Baseball is boring. Who cares if baseball is "Americas Pastime". The keyword in that phrase is 'PAST'. I'm a huge sports dan and I didn't go to one Mariners game this year. End of rant.)

The only thing that could make this time of the sports year better is if the NHL went on strike again!

Most of you are casual NBA fans and are only reading this for one of the following reasons:
A) You are using the restroom and already caught up on Instagram and Twitter.
B) You think I'm 50% funny about 50% of the time.
C) You are related to me.

I'm calling this my NBA PRESEASON PRIMER. It's basically 10 things to think about before the season gets started. These are in no particular order.

1) THE SPURS WE'RE BASICALLY "CO-CHAMPIONS" LAST SEASON
I get mad every time I see that Ray Allen corner 3 pointer. (cough, cough, TRAVEL, cough cough) The Spurs were SOOO close to winning the title. That was as even a series as I have ever seen. Of course, everyone is dismissing the Spurs again because they are "to old", "to slow" and "not exciting". I've been hearing that jargon for 10 years. I think they can be better this year. Kawhi Leonard looks ready to be an all star. They added Marco Belinelli who is an upgrade off the bench. And Matt Bonner signed a new deal to continue wearing New Balances. All is well.

2) THERE ARE 10 LEGIT NBA TITLE CONTENDERS
WEST
San Antonio Spurs
Oklahoma City Thunder
LA Clippers
Houston Rockets
Memphis Grizzlies

EAST
Miami Heat
Indiana Pacers
Chicago Bulls
Brooklyn Nets
New York Knicks

3) THE NEW YORK KNICKS ARE ALL KINDS OF CRAZY
There is a theory that you need some crazy on your team to truly contend for a title. I buy into this and think that most teams can handle 1 or 2 crazy guys. That is if you have a solid culture, good coaching and sound veterans. The Knicks have ALL KINDS OF CRAZY and lack most of the other combatting pieces. Here is a quick rundown:

• Metta World Peace - Probably holds the title of "Craziest NBA Player Ever". Even Dennis Rodman never changed punched any fans.
• JR Smith - Good player who ends up on TMZ more than Sportscenter. He's also rumored to be trying out for the new version of prison break...he's already got the tattoo map thing going.
• Carmello Anthony - He could choose free agency this summer...meaning he's probably gunning to be the highest paid player in the league. And his girl LaLa may want out of NYC.
• Kenyon Martin - He has a red lips tattoo on his neck.
• Jeremy Tyler - Left high school after his junior year to go play pro ball in Europe. Who does that?

4) TANKING

This next years draft is supposed to be the most loaded of the past 15 years. There are at least 7 teams (BOS, PHI, UTA, CHA, ORL, PHX, SAC) that appear to be tanking to get a higher draft pick. And I see 5 others that may join the party if they struggle early (TOR, DAL, POR, MIL, WAS). Many are calling this "Riggin For Wiggins". Andrew Wiggins is the expected #1 pick last year. He'll be a freshman at Kansas.

5) PELICANS IS AN AWESOME NICKNAME

Take a gander over to YouTube and search for PELICAN ATTACK. It's mildly entertaining. The new Pelicans uniforms are very strong an
d have a classic color scheme. And the timing is good to make a change because they've retooled their roster at the same time. Ultimately, I'm just glad that the Hornets name is freed up to go back to Charlotte...which could also rebirth the puffy Starter jacket trend.

6) THE LA CLIPPERS WILL BE BETTER...BUT STILL HAVE HOLES

Doc Rivers becoming their coach will be a HUGE deal. Few coaches can motivate and relate with players like Doc. However, he doesn't have Kevin Garnett to anchor his defense. Instead, he gets Blake Griffin and DeAndre Jordan. Both guys just want to block shots on the defensive end. Also, neither of these guys can shoot free throws. So at the end of games, opponents just need to foul them. Jordan shot 25% from the free throw line after the the all star break last season. Thats abysmal. I think they will probably be the #1 seed in the west after a stellar regular season, but won't make it to the conference finals.

7) WE NOW GET TO SEE WHO THE REAL LAKER FANS ARE

Most bandwagon jumpers made it off the Lakers bandwagon and onto the Heat bandwagon safely. Very few injuries occurred. Those of you who still are touting the Lakers...I commend you. Because they are really going to struggle mightily this year.

8) THE WARRIORS STAY THE SAME

They are the "sexy team" in the NBA right now. Great shooting, young players, passionate coach, fun uniforms. They even added an all star to their team in Andre Igoudala. However, I feel that last seasons run was a fluke. They defeated a beat up Nuggets team who obviously had some infighting in the locker room (Note: they fired their coach...and he was the NBA Coach of the Year). Then they played the Spurs tough for a few games after San Antonio had been off for about a week. There are to many injury prone guys on the Dubs (Steph Curry, David Lee, Andrew Bogut) and they aren't deep enough to overcome that.

9) NBA JERSEYS ARE GETTING OUT OF CONTROL

I like the short sleeved jersey look from most of the teams that have worn them. I usually play basketball in a tee shirt, so I would probably be ok with playing in a jersey-tee. But what is on the horizon is scaring me. There are rumors of long sleeved jerseys, nicknames on the back instead of last names, and jerseys where everything is one color (jersey, name, number). This all seems a bit to MLS to me. Even my Spurs are getting to radical after introducing these camp uniforms. Yuck.

10) DERRICK ROSE IS REALLY GOOD

Three years ago he was the leagues MVP. He took all of last season off to rehab. So he should be ready to go at full strength. The roster around him in Chicago is built to win now. Most of their key players are in their prime
and they have great depth at every position. They defend better that any team in the NBA and they have guys who battle all night long (Noah, Butler, Deng, Gibson).

My NBA Finals prediction is Spurs over the Bulls in 6 games.

-Spencer

Seattle: Home to NBA and NHL Teams?

I remember pressure washing someones deck on a warm spring afternoon here in Seattle. To help pass the time I was listening to some sports radio. The host came back from a break and announced that the Sonics had officially been sold to Oklahoma City businessman, Clay Bennett. I started to feel ill. My mind was racing. My palms became sweaty. And I most certainly did a crappy job pressure washing. I debated with myself for the next few hours and came to the conclusion that there was no way that the NBA would leave my city.

But thats exactly what happened...the NBA left Seattle. To Clay Bennett and OKC's credit, they are crushing it in the midwest. Raucous fan base, savvy roster moves, local ownership, good branding. But do you know what drives the success of the OKC Thunder the most? They are the only professional team in town (unless of course you count the Oklahoma Wranglers of Arena Football fame).

Now look, I want the NBA to come back to Seattle. Like really bad. I once tweeted that if I had the choice of one of my best friends (Jesy McKinney) moving to Seattle or an NBA team coming back...that I would choose the NBA. I would make that decision every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Basketball is my favorite sport. The NBA is the most competitive form of hoops in the world. I need the NBA to come back here.

In the past few weeks there has been much talk of a new arena being built down by Safeco and Century Link in the SODO neighborhood. The biggest factor in these talks has been that the arena will be able to suit both basketball AND hockey. That way the owners of the respective franchises could split the stadium costs that would fall their way. The NBA's chances of returning hinge greatly on the National Hockey League. I've never been a hockey guy. In fact, the last time I was interested in hockey was when I got Wayne Gretzky's 3D Hockey for Christmas in elementary school. Great game...but that was honestly the last time I thought about the NHL.

I think that many Seattlelites hold the same feelings when it comes to the sport on ice. I guess the fighting is cool. And having 2 halftimes sounds unique. It sounds like it could be fun...but are you really going to go an buy a baggy jersey with some difficult to pronounce European name on the back? I don't think so. The NBA coming back to Seattle depends greatly upon the idea that we would support hockey...and that makes me nervous.

Right now Seattle has:

League Team Total Attendance Per Game Rank

NFL Seattle Seahawks 531,311 66,413 17 of 32

MLB Seattle Mariners 1,896,321 23,411 27 of 30

NCAA-F Washington Huskies 437,717 62,531 2 of 12 (Pac 12)

NCAA-B Washington Huskies 178,281 9,383 3 of 12 (Pac 12)

MLS Sounders FC 553,987 36,268 1 of 19

Apart from the Mariners, Seattle supports big time sports very well. And when the M's are playing good baseball...we all know heading that to Safeco Field is the best thing to do on a warm summer night.

Seattle is the 13th media market in the US and the economy here is much stronger than most of the country. We also have many large business' that fuel the luxury boxes of all our stadiums. But could we really fuel 7 sports teams?

The support behind professional soccer here in Seattle is absurd an unrivaled by any other MLS team. Husky basketball would likely be #1 in the Pac 12 if we had a bigger arena. Husky football will have a new stadium in 2 years. And the Seahawks are a near sellout for each of their 8 home games. We support alot of teams and we support them pretty darn well. So I ask...is there enough pie to go around for us to support the NHL to come to Seattle? If the answer is no...then getting a new arena and an NBA team may not happen at all.

So I will continue to wear my ROBBED hat with the fake Sonics logo on the front. I'll look at my Kevin Calabro bobblehead doll and remember the good old days. I'll find new pictures of Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp to use as my iPhone wallpaper. I'll crack Robert Swift jokes every time I play basketball with a big white guy who sucks.

GC Conference Packing Tips

There are a few of things that each person knows they should bring to GC Conference:

-Bible

-Notebook

-Pen

-Faith

-Money for food

And then there's some things you know you shouldn't bring:

-Guns

-Knives

-Weed

-Four Loco

-Last years conference tee-shirt

But then there is the Mt. Rushmore of "Items People Don't Think About"

1. Long Shirts: I've been at way to many conferences where people show off their belly button. You know that you're going to be raising your hands...you know that you're gonna toss up a few fist pumps...and you know there is a chance you'll get slain in the spirit. So please, bring shirts that are long enough.

*Pro Tip: Try your shirt on in front of a mirror. Lift your hands as high as possible. If you see any midriff...don't bring it.

*Pro Tip #2: My good friend Jude Fouquier also says this, "Worship gets awfully sweaty, so I suggest bringing an extra shirt to change into during the announcements." Well said Jude, well said.

2. Extra Pens: Bringing one pen simply isn't gonna cut it. Recent statistics have show that there is a 57% chance of someone stealing your pen, a 31% chance of someone wanting to borrow your pen and an 11% chance that your pen stops working when you need it most. That means there is a 1% chance of everything working out the way you want it to. Not good odds. Bringing 3 or 4 extra pens is imperative. I suggest pens that you don't mind losing.

3. Closed Toed Shoes: Going up to the front during worship while wearing sandals is a death wish. Closed toed shoes are a must. Without them your little piggies will be saying 'wah wah wah all the way home'. Your toenails won't survive even one chorus of "Crazy" if you're in sandals. My suggestions for shoes are:

-Timberland Boots

-Romeo Boots (as worn by hicks)

-Shape Ups (they deserve to get trashed anyways)

4. Mid Service Snacks: Services at GC Conference always go long. Even a veteran like myself gets hungry by about point 3 of a sermon. So I believe it is imperative to sneak in a few snacks. Some of my favorites are:

-Costco Trail Mix

-Reese's Pieces

-Gushers

-Gardetto's (if you don't mind smelling like death)

I hope you found this helpful. See you at GC Conference 2011!

Seattle 206ers

It was a spring afternoon just a few years ago and I was pressure washing some random persons deck. I had a rickety little AM only radio attached to my sweatpants and 950 KJR, Seattle's live and local sports station was competing against the rattling, humming and spraying of my pressure washer. Then, the deadly news dropped. The host came on the air and announced that the Sonics had just been sold to a group of businessmen from Oklahoma City.

I instantly felt a pain in my stomach. It was similar to the pain that comes after downing a plate of tortilla chips smothered in that runny nacho cheese. It was not a good feeling. My mind began to swirl with memories:

-Sitting courtside for a Vin Baker game winning shot, then watching myself on King 5 News later that night.

-Attending a playoff game against the lakers.

-Driving south on I-5 with my dad to watch the Patrick Ewing and the Knicks take on the Sonics in the Tacoma Dome.

-Correcting my buddies when they called #33 "HERSHEY HAWKINS".

-Playing against Jamelle McMillan in 5th grade and seeing his father Nate in the stands.

-Collecting trading cards given out at Taco Time.

-Constantly cracking jokes about Predrag Drobnjak.

-Hitting up the "Kids Zone" food vendor when I was in high school to save a few bucks.

-Being on vacation in Boston in 2006 and watching Ray Allen guard Allen Ray.

-Calling my friends when I heard that the Sonics got the #2 pick in the Greg Oden / Kevin Durant draft.

-Wanting to get a flattop haircut like Detlef Schrempf.

-Pretending I was Gary Payton while playing hoops by myself in my room on a mini hoop.

It has now been 3 seasons since the Sonics became the Thunder. The nacho cheese continues to swoon in my stomach because of the tremendous success in OKC. I'm still not sure whether it's ok for me to root for the Thunder.

What I do know is that Seattle needs an NBA team again.

About 9 months ago I came up with an outside the box idea to bring the NBA back:

In the near future some NBA team will flounder because nobody is showing up to their games (IE- Sacramento Kings, New Orleans Hornets, Indiana Pacers, Toronto Raptors). Seattle is the 12 biggest media market in the US...so we can't be ignored for long.

When Steve Ballmer, CEO of Microsoft, builds a new stadium, buys one of these franchises and moves them here...I hope he follows this model.

MAKE IT SEATTLES TEAM!!!

Team Name: Seattle 206ers (that's the Seattle area code...also gives us a natural rivalry with the 76ers).

Coaches: We pay Nate 'Mr. Sonic' McMillan as much money as necessary come back to coach here. His assistants are: Jack Sickma, Detlef Schrempf and Gary Payton.

Mascot: A mix between Squatch and the numbers 2-0-6. very similar to the furry numbers on the Free Credit Report commercials.

Players: Here is where it gets good. There has been an influx of NBA talent coming out of Seattle. All current players from the inherited team are traded to fill our roster with players that have ties to the state of Washington. Here is how it would look.

Starters

PG Aaron Brooks Rockets (Franklin HS)

SG Brandon Roy Blazers (Garfield HS, 4 Years at UW)

SF Jamal Crawford Hawks (Rainer Beach HS)

PF Marvin Williams Hawks (Bremerton HS)

C Spencer Hawes 76ers (Seattle Prep HS, 1 Year at UW)

Bench

G Nate Robinson Celtics (Rainer Beach HS, 3 Years at UW)

G Jason Terry Mavericks (Franklin HS)

G Luke Ridnour T-Wolves (Blaine HS)

G Rodney Stuckey Pistons (Kentwood HS, 2 Years at Eastern Washington)

G Martell Webster T-Wolves (Seattle Prep HS)

F Adam Morrison Wizards (4 Years at Gonzaga)

F Terrence Williams Rockets (Rainer Beach HS)

F Brian Scalbrine Bulls (Enumclaw HS)

F Jon Brockman Bucks (Snohomish HS, 4 Years at UW)

C Ronny Turiaf Knicks (4 Years at Gonzaga)

Other Options

G Avery Bradley Celtics (Bellermine Prep HS)

G Will Conroy D-League (Garfield HS, 4 years at UW)

G Justin Dentmon D-League (4 years at UW)

G Kyle Weaver D-League (4 Years at Washington State)

G Marcus Williams D-League (Roosevelt HS)

F Bobby Jones D-League (4 Years at UW)

C CJ Giles Europe (Rainer Beach HS)

Up And Coming

G Isaiah Thomas Washington

G Tony Wroten Committed to Washington

G Gary Bell Jr. Committed to Gonzaga

G Peyton Siva Louisville

G Klay Thompson Washington State

F DeAngelo Casto Washington State

F Elias Harris Gonzaga

F Terrence Ross Washington

F Justin Holiday Washington

F Matt Bryan-Amaning Washington

C Josh Smith UCLA

C Robert Sacre Gonzaga

This is an idea that I would love to see happen. I foresee that one of the best days of my life will be when Seattle gets an NBA team back. Seattle has great basketball fans...we need the NBA again.

Saving Arby's

Let me begin by telling you a story: I was a senior in high school and it was lunchtime on a Thursday. Some of my basketball teammates and I went to get food together. We had a game coming up that night so we wanted to pick a spot that wouldn't hinder ourselves that night. We chose poorly. We chose Arby's.

My buddy Jeff (one of the funniest people you'll ever meet) decided to order the "Loaded Potatoes". He claimed it was the worst decision of his life. Let me remind you that Jeff once knocked out his front teeth by falling in a parking lot while "foot sliding" down an icy hill while his friends hit him with nun-chucks.

Needless to say, the "Loaded Potatoes" could have been loaded with ex-lax and they would have done less damage. Jeff spent most of the afternoon unloading the potatoes. We'll leave it at that.

Not since then have I been to Arby's. Within months of this experience, the Arby's in downtown Bellevue shutdown. Arby's does have a few good things going, but, has WAY more going against it. I'd like to present 4 things that Arby's could do to get my attention again.

1. Offer 'Pepto Bismol' as a courtesy side dish. No matter what you order, you get 2 pills that will help prevent a terrible outcome.

2. Limit the menu to: Milkshakes, fries, soda and curly fries. Arby's has THE best shakes and curly fries. I would go out on a limb and say that they do this better than anyone out there. They should cut out all the roast beef, mozzarella sticks, chicken sandwiches and loaded potatoes and stick to what they do best. This way they can downsize their kitchens and lower production costs.

3. Only offer drive thru service. If you come to an intersection looking for a place use the bathroon and there is an Arby's, 7-11, Chevron and an empty parking lot flanking you...where would choose to stop? I'd have to say that Arby's is a push with the empty parking lot. Never have I gone into an Arby's and thought "Wow, I like how slimy the floors are!" or "This is cool how the stuffing pops out of the cushy seats." The interior of Arby's is about as outdated as Skate King. They should move to a drive through format and let people eat in their cars.

*Another good point made by Jeff Downs after reading this: Such a terrible investment to have those permanent poles setup for a line to the register when its never that busy. Everyone just walks around them to the front.

4. Get a real mascot. Right now their mascot is a "cowboy hat". If you wanted to get across a southern theme then why not go with a cowboy? How can you expect a hat to measure up to Jack, Ronald McDonald or the King? After just a few minutes of research I discovered that Arby's made an attempt at a good mascot by using a talking "oven mitt". And guess who was the voice: Tom Arnold. I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that whoever pushed that idea into production probably doesn't have a job anymore.

Here are 5 viable options as a mascot:

1. The Hamburglar - McDonalds doesn't use him anymore anyways.

2. Gumby - He's been outta work since I was about 7.

3. Woody - If you want to stick with the cowboy theme then go get the most well known one out there.

4. Curly from the 3 Stooges- He fits with curly fries being the best thing you serve.

5. Zinedine Zidane- He's not playing soccer anymore and in your commercials he could just headbutt the competitors.

How To Buy A Jersey

I currently own 5 sports jerseys that I purchased. I am actually surprised that I only have this many. However, after much thought and deliberation I have realized that this is a healthy number. One of my favorite parts about going to sporting events is seeing the fans. I love the enthusiasm and passion that fans display. To go to a Seahawks game without a jersey is like going to a bowling alley without your own socks. Sure it might work out...but it's just not right.

Buying a jersey should be a difficult decision. They are not cheap (typically $75-$125) and the player you choose must reflect something about you.

To explain my method for buying jerseys I will tell you about my 5 jerseys.

My first jersey was Lofa Tatupu #51 of the Seahawks. I bought his jersey because:

A) He was a Pro Bowler the year before I purchased it.

B) He was my favorite player on my hometown team.

C) He would be the anchor of our defense for the next 10 years.

My dad and I went to a Baltimore Ravens game. To remember my experience I bought a Ray Lewis jersey. He is the best linebacker ever to play the game of football. He is the most emotional player ever to play the game of football. He has the best dance when his name gets announced in the game of football.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d60hKgNPlVE

(Note: Ray Lewis murdered a man about a decade ago...yet I still dig him.)

My next jersey was given to me by my parents for Christmas. It is of my favorite athlete of all time, Tim Duncan of the San Antonio Spurs. Tim is my guy. Though his jersey is not popular...I can take any crap I get for wearing it. That is key with a jersey. If the player ends up sucking or isn't flashy you must be able to stick up for him. I will argue with you for days about Tim Duncan. He's the best power forward ever.

Next I decided to buy a Seahawks jersey of an offensive player. I went with Matt Hasselbeck because of a few reasons:

A) I didn't yet own the jersey of a white player.

B) I knew he would be around for at least 3 years.

C) I was willing to defend him even if he ended up sucking, growing old or getting injured.

My most recent jersey purchase was at the Basketball Hall of Fame when I picked up my Larry Bird jersey. I also got a Bird DVD to go along with it. I have watched it at least a half dozen times. Bird is kind of the antithesis of todays professional athlete. He hates crowds. He hates attention. He hates anyone who isn't on his side. He is the ultimate competitor. He was the heart and soul of the Boston Celtics. He is blue collar. I like all those attributes of Bird and his game. There are so many stories and legends about Bird. There is mystique that surrounds Bird. When I wear my Bird jersey I don't feel that I am necessarily repping the Celtics or that I'm trying to look more "hood" than usual. I feel that I am representing the person and style of Larry Bird.

Here is my JERSEY BUYING MANIFESTO:

1. Don't buy baseball or hockey jerseys. They aren't cool. I have never seen somebody wearing one and thought "I wish I had one of those."

2. The jersey you buy has got to be of your guy. You've got to be willing to stand up for him through thick and thin, old age and injury. You've got to have confidence to say "That's my guy".

3. Make certain that there is a 90% chance your guy is gonna be around for at least 3 years. Check their contract situation. Make sure they don't have a young prodigy who is gonna take over their spot next season.

4. Your player must be at an All Star level...or very close to it. Middle of the road players don't deserve jerseys of theirs to be purchased.

5. When you think of that specific player you must think of the team whose jersey you are wearing. For example, don't buy a Brett Favre jersey on the Jets or Vikings. He will be remembered as a Packer. If there is question as to what he will be remembered as...don't buy it.

I hope that in the future you heed my advice when buying a jersey. I think that if you follow these guidelines then you will be satisfied with your purchase.

The Highlight

ESPN became big because it introduced and mastered one thing: the highlight. The worldwide leader in sports has long been and will forever be (hopefully) the mecca of sports entertainment. The highlight is what propelled it to such heights and as sustained it power. Sportscenter has allowed viewers to watch a 60 second montage of a game and see all the best plays. This fits in perfectly with our 'have it in an instant' nation. I can watch any sports highlights. I know Sportscenter is only going to show great plays that I will enjoy. I can appreciate even the lamest of sports as long as its just highlights. Here are my best highlights for each sport. I decided that it has to be a play that can happen at any time in a game. So no "Walk off homeruns" or "Hailmary touchdowns". The event can happen on any given sequence.

Tennis: Between The Legs Shot This never gets old. Anytime I play tennis (very rare) I give this shot a try. The pros only do it when its the best shot available...which is crazy. They are running full speed and swing a racket through there legs as hard as they can (scary for a guy) and still manage to keep it between the lines. Great highlight.

Baseball: Robbing A Homerun There are 3 things that make a good homerun rob:

1. Full speed running. None of this hangout by the wall...wait...wait... now jump and catch.

2. Bending arm. Anytime it looks like there might be a dislocated shoulder, hyperextended elbow or a broken wrist...then it's getting good.

3. Hat falls off. Truly a good catch when you hit the wall hard enough for the hat to pop off.

Basketball: Alley Oop Maybe my favorite overall highlight. So fun to see some body emerge from a crowd and throw it down. Best duo I've ever seen was Jason Kidd to Vince Carter. Kidd would throw from halfcourt and Carter would just go get it no matter where it was.

Golf: Errant Shot Hits Tree It looks like a terrible shot and then...bonk...the ball rolls into the fairway. The golfers don't celebrate enough. They stay mad at themselves. This is like banking a free throw. Don't be mad, be happy you got lucky.

Racing: Crash If there is any other reason to watch NASCAR highlights then I don't know about it.

Hockey: Fist Fight If the NHL wants me to watch their games, then they need to guarantee me at least one fight per period. I could endure everything else to watch those fights.

Football: Halfback Pass / Reverse This is perhaps the trickiest of the highlights. It's great athletes making great plays. These are HUGE game-changers that often result in points. I hated when the Seahawks got scored on in the Superbowl on a trick play...but it was an epic highlight.

Soccer: Bicycle Kick This is something I have never done. To have a ball come swinging in and you decide to flail your body and kick the ball while upside down is INCREDIBLE. I'm starting to enjoy soccer and I didn't realize how really rare this play is. It's downright enjoyable when it happens.